She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
