woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
