When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
