Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
operation have a gay friend backfired
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
birth control should be required to get into college
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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