I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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