Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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