i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
