the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm passing your future prison.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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