WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
