Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
