I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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