The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
