Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you traded sex for a burrito?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
