Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize