no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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