Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
