can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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