Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
