update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
