I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In other news, I just burned my penis
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
