i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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