He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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