Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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