It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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