I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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