I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
