if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
