dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
