i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
