you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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