Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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