just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
