So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
