well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
