Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
