Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just high enough for therapy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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