Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
