...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
