I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
sex in a hospital.. check
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
