when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
