I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
