You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
