From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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