Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I love having hate sex.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
