you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
