3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
