ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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