That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
