let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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