It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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