he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
