I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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