She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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