I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
