You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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