is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
