Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
