VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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