I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
