Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize