Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize