The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
