why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
