Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
