I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
