I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
